I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
