My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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