Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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