U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
