Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sext me about skeletons
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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