Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
