I think I won the penis lottery.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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