You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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