He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
