she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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