I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
