its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
