I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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