if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
