can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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