Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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