Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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