season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
