I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
