You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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