"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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