At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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