Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
