ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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