And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
