Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
