Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
