Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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