I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize