Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
