if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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