Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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