Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
