didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
