How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
