I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
