1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
