Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
