you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
