He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
