its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
