Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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