So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
