you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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