So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
