When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
