New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My vagina is officially offended.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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