do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
