i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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