I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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