the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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