Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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