glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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