So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
