Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
