Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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