So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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