just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
