It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
