the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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