I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
