I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Tell her she can't have a vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
