I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
