you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
