Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
