The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
