Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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