1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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